Phantom
by magpieus93
Summary: What would have happened if Steve had been the villain? Can love overcome hatred and despair?
1. Chapter 1

Alec was escorted to the end of the gloomy corridor. Captain America's cell was in front of him, dark and silent.. The boy, recently graduated from the academy, felt that he was about to discover something that his manuals and his hours of study had not taught him: fear.

The guards opened the screeching gate and Alec entered the cell with a slight hesitation. The captain was on his knees, caught in a powerful straitjacket and with chains around him. When the cadet made an appearance, he raised his head and watched the young man up and down. At first, he grimaced with surprise but then his gesture became disdainful and mocking.

`Well, well, what do we have here? A little bird. Does the CIA no longer have the budget to send experienced agents?´ His voice was grave, and even, Alec would say that sweet. `Come closer, make yourself at home.´

Alec ignored him and remained quiet, alarmed, his heart pounding..

`My superior has given me your case...´

`Don´t bother me with your speech, I already know what you are gonna say. You want to ask me like many before you if there is still goodness in me.´ Steve emphasized the word kindness with sarcasm. ` I´m Steve Rogers, the greatest traitor to the American nation. I killed my best friend without a hint of compassion and if you fill my patience, you´ll also end up with your throat cut.´

` I don´t fear you, Captain´ said the rookie then with a tone that came to impress Steve.

`Oh, I see. You´re a brave young man. The bravest of your promotion. You want to impress someone, possibly your gal. Am I right?´

`No´ answered Alec. His determination was vanishing. `You were my hero and then revealed yourself to everyone as a traitor. I just want to know why...´

`I´ve never been a hero, get that thought out of your mind.´ Something seemed to disturb the captain because he raised his voice more than usual, hostile. `I was a Hydra spy. I have always been the bad guy and I always will be.´

`I don´t believe that story. You were good and fought for our country. Even now, here prostrate, I see goodness in your heart.´

Alec did not see the blow Steve gave him. He sat up and threw the young cadet to the ground with a thud. The boy stirred but it was useless. The captain straddled his waist and thus immobilized him. Even with his hands tied, he was able to move and be dangerous. The young man then reacted and avoided moving. His frightened eyes fixed on the captain who had loomed over him with a cruel smile on his thin lips. Alec couldn´t breathe well. It seemed as if he had a big rock on him. The captain's legs were imprisoning his arms.

`Ssh, ssh. Don´t talk. If you do it, I´ll pounce on your neck and bite your jugular´ hissed Steve threatening. The boy began to tremble in terror and that seemed to amuse the captain. `You know what? I really don´t want to hurt you. You are pretty handsome. You have lovely brown eyes and I like that color.

Alec bit his lip so hard it almost started to bleed. He didn´t expect that compliment from a man as dangerous and ruthless as he was.

`Untie me and I promise I won´t hurt you. In fact, you're going to get me out of here. Then I'll see what I do with you´ said the Captain with a smile that was intended to be persuasive. He loosened the strength of his legs and Alec raised his arms trembling. He took his hands to the straps and awkwardly unfastened them until they fell on him and the sleeves were released. The captain quickly took off his straitjacket along with the chains that tinkled on the floor, and pounced on Alec to cover his mouth with his hand and drown his cry of surprise. `No, no, easy, pal. Take a deep breathe. I told you I would not kill you and I have not. As you can see I am a man of my word´ he said laughing.

Alec felt then how Steve was putting two fingers into his mouth and wasn´t only to shut him up. He put them in, took them out and moved his tongue with them while he enjoyed the look that the confused cadet offered. Alec's cheeks burned and a strange tingle ran down his back. His agitated breathing mingled with the Captain's and his back arched when his fingers momentarily left him breathless as he reached his throat. On him was the America´s most wanted enemy, the one who murdered half the Avengers team, his best friend Bucky and a whole special forces squad and still... he was unable to resist his killer charm.

`Do you want me to tell you everything? Well then, listen carefully.´ The captain approached to his throat and with a sadistic movement rushed at him to bite with viciousness. Alec could not suppress a gasp of surprise and let his captor continue.

Maybe he would die there but, if so, how wonderful it would be. He hugged Rogers while the captain left his mark on his neck to remind him who he belonged to now.


	2. Chapter 2

His father arrived in America by boat from Germany, like many others. He always said that, far from being comforted by the view of the Statue of Liberty while he landed on Ellis Island, he felt disgusted and desperate. That wasn´t true freedom, just one more way to the slaughterhouse. A deception that attracted people like flies and murdered them without regard. Tearing America apart from the inside had seemed a brilliant plan to him when he devised it in Berlin, but from theory to praxis there was a big step.

Everyone distrusted the Germans, their accent and background. If he wanted to destroy the United States he should begin by becoming a model citizen who would have completely forgotten his roots. His snowy skin color wasn´t enough to win the favor of the American fat cats so he had no choice but disguise himself. It was his gift, what he could do best. First he would have to change his surname to one that was nondescript, common. Unbearably American. Afterwards he´d think what was the next thing to do.

He achieved his goal five years later. He changed his gestures, his way of speaking and became extroverted and friendly with neighbors. He made friends with Wall Street brokers and trained in finance at the turn of the century. Finally he bought a house in Brooklyn and married a weak woman from Queens whose belly fathered their son for nine months. Steve was meant to be the future scourge of the country. Or so his father thought.

The hatred that his father breathed for his country since Steve could remember, wasn´t enough for him to become strong during his first years of life. That didn´t make any difference about the fact that Steve was the sickest boy in the whole neighborhood. In this way, the father became violent with him and his mother for having given birth to an unusable and mediocre child. The whipping with the belt became frequent and the blows and kicks began to disfigure the sweet smile of his wife until it became a permanent grimace of terror.

The child was a silent witness of his father's anger. Despite the mother's cries of entreaty, he never interposed and remained silent while the man punished her mercilessly. If he had had , his father would have killed him as he did with her three years later. Steve found him in the backyard of their house digging a hole deep in the ground. Next to the mound of mud and dirt, there was a sack of black cloth. From it oozed a thick dark liquid. The boy, with awe, approached his father and asked him:

"Father, what are you doin´ ?" The man turned and glanced at his son who made him take a step back terrified

"Manuring" answered the father while he was going back to work.

"What about momma? Where´s she?" asked the child dissatisfied with the enigmatic response of his father. He turned angry but a disdainful yellowed teeth smile appeared when he stared at his weak son.

"She's gone but believe me, son, isn´t going to bother us anymore."

What Steve didn´t know is that after his mother's absence He would receive all the beatings on his puny body. During his childhood he was forced to eat large quantities of meat, study through punishment, mathematics and mechanics and to endure physical and psychological torture that, in theory, should prepare him for the mission that would later be entrusted to him.

The father tried to drown him in the bathtub with this excuse to make him the poor boy stoically endured everything because he had already forgotten his mother, his tenderness and all that entailed being a normal child. Until that day when he turned ten and met the one who would later change his life forever.

He went out to the ramshackle porch of the house. His father drunk as tight as a tick, didn´t noticed his absence.

After swearing loyalty to a small banner of his room, a sinister skull with tentacles, the boy went down the stairsas stealthily as a cat and slid towards the entrance while the man snored with an empty bottle of bourbon in his he came out, the sunlight bathed his pale face and his warmth comforted him briefly.

"At least I´m not in Europe", he consoled himself. He may have felt the same hatred that his father had towards America, but at least mornings and sunsets weren´t covered in ashes and the fields and cities weren´t burning around him.

Suddenly, he felt that he was betraying his newly learned principles. It was the next scourge of the American nation. What the hell was he thinking?

"Are you a ghost ?"a singing voice of a boy said. Steve was startled when a boy of his own age but much healthier and more talkative crossed the entrance gate to the house.

"What?" Steve said puzzled.

"They say that ghosts live in this house. Are ya´ a ghost boy?" the stranger insisted with a smile. Far from being terrified, he was friendly. Steve, suspicious, frowned.

"Aren´t you too grown up to believe in ghosts?" he replied sullenly.

The impertinent boy raised an eyebrow.

"And aren´t you too grumpy to be the ghost of a child?"

"I´m not a ghost. I have flesh and bones and live with my father here."

"Well, I´ve never seen you before" the boy said with a shrug. He climbed the porch stairs and stood in front of Steve. He didn´t seem to understand the contemptuous look that the scrawny boy was directing him. Instead of retreating in fear, he began to move from one side to the other jumping gracefully on the creaking steps. "What´s ya´ name?"

"None of your business" Steve answered rudely.

"Do you want the other kids in the neighborhood to come here to see if you really exist or not? I'm a very popular guy, you know?" the other said with a boastful gesture.

" I´dont even care" Steve showed again his sour behavior.

Then that annoying guy showed a crooked grin and said with defiant mockery:

"What is it? ¿Don´t you want everyone to see your dad naked? When ghost don´t wear their own sheet to hide, they usually are in their own birthday suits."

He hit the bulls-eye. Steve jumped up and pounced on him.

"Don't you dare to talk about my father!" Steve shouted.

However, he failed his attempt to punch him in the face. That rascal was so agile that he managed to dodge it with a twist of his body and the weak guy fell down the stairs, bruising his knees and breaking part of his short pants. Angry, he turned to his new archenemy, who was laughing at what had happened, and snapped at him:

"Go away! Now!"

"But..."

"I said, go away!" Steve said angrier than ever. The brown-haired boy, bewildered by that exaggerated reaction, came down the steps and stood in front of the "ghostly" boy while holding out his hand.

"Easy, pal. It was just a joke" he said with a make-peace attitude.

"I don´t need your help" Steve replied rudely standing up and turning his back on the boy, hurt in his pride.

Then the other one stood in front of him and showed him a candy as an offering to make peace, with a toothy smile.

"I´m Bucky." he grabbed one of Steve's hands and gave him the candy. Steve didn´t have time to react and stayed in the place, skeptical. "They gave me this candy in Coney Island and now I give it to you. Don´t get mad, I was just kidding."

"What´s Coney Island?" asked Steve. Bucky stared at him wide-eyed.

"What?! Don´t you know what Coney Island is? What´s the matter with you? Don´t you go out? It´s the place where all the most wonderful attractions in the world are. I can´t believe you don´t know about it!"the boy said cheerfully.

Suddenly, he approached Steve and put his hands on his shoulders ignoring his reluctance to be touched by others and smiled with the purest and most benevolent smile he had ever seen. As warm as the sunbeams that made Steve feel better when he was on the porch.

"We can go there sometime! When´s your birthday?" Bucky proposed.

Steve, intimidated by the uncomfortable contact, lowered his head.

"Well, it is today..."

"No way! You should have told! That´s cool! Congratulations! How old are you already?"

"Ten..."

"And what are you doin´here?! Why aren´t you celebrating it with your friends?" Bucky asked surprised.

"I don´t have... friends" Steve said. He felt ridiculous and also sad keeping that conversation. "I need to go inside."

He got rid of the contact with Bucky willing to go back into the house but the young man held him by the wrist.

"Wait! You still haven´t told me your name."

"My name is Steve" he answered after a moment of thinking about whether or not to tell him.

"I live in the next street, on the 22B. Why don´t you come now?" Bucky said.

"I can´t. My father..." Steve said.

But before revealing the real reason why he couldn´t, a shadow darkened his face, he fell silent and with a gesture of his head said goodbye to the boy and entered the house hard, he leaned against the door and realized he still had the candy in his hand.

He looked at it carefully and thought he should hide it from his father at all costs. He climbed the creaking stairs and opened the door of his room to lie on the bed and look better at the light of his lamp the colorful candy wrapper. Something in his mind changed at that moment and he realized he had made a friend. His very first friend. American and son of a nation he had sworn to destroy.

"Bucky," he whispered to him and smiled. "What a weird name".


	3. Chapter 3

Steve's father died in strange circumstances and the boy, who hadn´t been able to declare anything of what happened because an apparent state of shock prevented him from remembering and telling anything, began to live with other parents, the Rogers. The boy who adopted their last name grew quietly and discreetly in that lovely middle-class family with his new parents Alec and Martha and their natural daughter, the sickly and delicate Marielle Rogers. She and Steve made good friends at once, and his behavior was losing rudeness as he knew the little one. He soon stopped remembering the sad and painful childhood he had experienced, the disappearance of his mother and the tortures his father had subjected him to. Hydra no longer meant more to him than a bad dream from which he could wake up. Now he was free. Or so he thought.

Marielle had a strange pneumonia that, apparently, had no cure and both Alec and Steve had to work almost relentlessly to pay for medications that would relieve the girl of her chronic chest pain.. However just after the Crash of 29 things started to get worse for the family and, with the dismissal of the father and the poor salary of the boy, Marielle's life started to hung on a thin thread which was about to fray. Steve works from dawn to dusk as a valet in a warehouse near the Hudson. Not having enough strength to carry goods, he went from here to there carrying messages from his employer. He even helped with accounting thanks to his knowledge of economics acquired by force during his stay with his father.

In this way, he had the favor and sympathy of the boss in his pocket, but not the rest of the staff. Many times he had been physically and psychologically abused and when he returned home, he had to hide the consequences from his family so that wouldn´t worry them, especially his little sister. She was everything to him and he loved watching her play the piano when he returned to the warmth of home. Sometimes he sat next to her and spent hours watching and listening to her practicing scales, waltzes and even ragtimes when she felt stronger enough for it. Once, he had to hold her down so she wouldn´t fall off the stool, faint with exhaustion. Steve remembered that it was raining outside and she stared at the storm clouds through the window.

"There is something about this nasty weather that makes me smile" she said hoarsely, closing her dreamy eyes. "Blackbirds sing better after the storm. Did you noticed?"

He denied with his head. The truth is that he had never noticed a detail like that. For some time he didn´t allow himself to waste his valuable time contemplating the surroundings around him. Maybe if he had, the death of his sister wouldn´t have meant the greatest pain some time later. If he had spent more time with her... If he could have earned more money and not been fired to at least buy opiates, she wouldn´t have suffered an agonizing death.

One of the warehouse boys had been hounding him since Steve arrived and his beatings were repeated. He led a street gang and was continuously missing his job but the boss could not afford to fire him, since he was one of his strongest guys to mount the load on the docks. It was the reason why Steve came home with bruises that he always tried to hide with the baggy clothes he inherits from Alec.

They fired Steve one afternoon when the boss saw him covered in blood, aching and limping. In the distance, the other young man made fun of his way of walking. The boy tried to explain to the superior what had happened there but he only got as a response:

"I want you to leave, Rogers. I cannot afford a worker who loses time in his working station." he said coldly.

So in the middle of the silent room, which was once a haven of peace and joy and music when Marielle played his favorite instrument, Steve approached the open coffin of his sister and, crying with rage and impotence, remembered his real father. His rage, his inculcated violence. And he understood that he had to stop being a burden to others. Only violence would give eternal rest to the memory of Marielle.

After the funeral he went up to his room and changed his clothes. He dressed in a simple way and fastened a jacket that he hadn´t worn for some time but that still suited him. Suddenly, a candy wrapper fell out of his pocket. Steve picked it up with surprise and realized it was the same sweet that Bucky had given him years ago. Bucky... It had been a long time since Steve´d stopped thinking about could go visit him because he knew where he lived but Steve had never had the courage to thank him for that detail. Maybe he was going to pay him a visit later. Would Bucky remember him?

And suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, an idea came to his mind. He knew exactly what he was going to do next. He left the house and went to the docks of the Hudson River. Anyone who had seen him would have confused him with a vagabond but luckily for him, New York at that time was a desert. No one was going to notice his presence except those he wanted to went down the street to the warehouses where the ramshackle door was open and went into one of the merchandise booths.

He heard voices coming from several male throats but could not distinguish, among them, the voice of H, which was how they called the guy who had made him fired. He hid behind a pile of boxes and raised his head so that he could look closely to the group of gulfs protected by his hiding place. As he feared, the band chief wasn´t there but one of his cronies, Zeter. Maybe he could take his revenge on one of them and leave H for later.

"H no longer sells bangs. That son of a bitch thinks I'm going to ask one of his cousins and I don´t intend to. I have no guarantees of trust, no matter if he´s one of H´s relatives. Surely his loads are more expensive.

"Maybe we should give it a try and trust him... H's cousin is an important guy and has good merchandise, so they say. Besides H says he doesn´t want to continue with the group" another one said.

"No way. As if he´s the fucking Pope of Rome selling cocaine. He´s not my best friend ever, nor have we been together. H did, so I'm not going to trust the first one to come to me with the honey" Zeter exclaimed angrily. "You can go fuck yourselves if that´s what you think."

"Hey, take it easy, man" another said in a conciliatory tone.

"We should leave now. It's getting late and I have to go home" the first man said. "And Zeter is not in a good mood, it's better to leave him alone."

"Okay, then. Go back home with mom. Cowards, you're a bunch of shit" the guy yelled, throwing a piece of wood at the group to scare them away.

Steve rubbed his hands to warm himself. Now was the time. After standing on his haunches waiting for the chance, he got up slowly and stood in front of the worker who was currently rolling a cigarette. The boy remained quiet until Zeter realized that someone was watching him.

"What do ya´ want?" he said, examining Steve thoroughly up and down until he could identify him. "Ah it´s you. Aren´t you supposed to be fired, Rogers? What the fuck have you come to?"

Steve didn´t answer and still remained silent. That gesture caused the other to rise like a spring, full of anger, ready to pounce on him. The skinny boy stepped back.

"I´ve asked you a question. Do you want me to spank you again like H did? Answer me, brat!"

Another step back. Zeter was almost on him. Steve was ready for his punch so he continued waiting in silence.

"You´re gonna pay for this, you piece of shit" Zeter said raising his fist to hit him.

That's when it happened. As Bucky once did, Steve put aside, Zeter lost his balance and with a whimper of surprise he rushed to the void. Zetter ended up smashed on the press floor of the warehouse. Like a hunter, Steve attracted his prey to his hunting ground and with elegant movement, killed his enemy without staining his hands with blood.

He zipped up his jacket and with a neutral gesture, devoid of pity or compassion, he left behind the corpse of one of the men who had tortured him. He could see the image of the delicate Marielle observing him with her lamb eyes, imploring and seeking repentance in the boy's heart. The girl's ghost couldn´t find it. Steve frowned, passed through his memory and left behind the warehouses and his old self.

He met a mysterious figure at the exit, dressed in a raincoat and a fedora hat whose wing hid his face.

"I´ve seen what you did" the stranger said in a cavernous voice.

Steve, aghast and unable to understand how he´d been discovered so soon, made a gesture of wanting to escape, but the mysterious man held him by the wrist. The boy, alarmed, tried to get away by twisting his arm but then stopped when he heard:

"If you don´t want me to take you to the authorities, you are going to do something for me and for the memory of your father. You must enter the army. You already know what your role is." His voice had a strange accent.

"Who are you?" Steve said trembling. The man raised the brim of his hat and in the light of a nearby streetlamp, Steve could see the marked and emaciated features of, what it seemed to be, a skull red as blood.

" _Heil, Hydra_."


	4. Chapter 4

He couldn´t go back home. Maybe his parents would worry but in that moment he didn´t care at all. Now that he knew the details of what his real father had done in America with him, he couldn´t go home. That man had blackmailed him and explained that soon there would be great changes in history and he would lead them. But first he had to infiltrate the American army.

"Look for someone who could bring you into the army. We thing that they have the key which can defeat us" the mysterious man said before leaving.

He wandered around the neighborhood without really knowing what to think or do. Soon his mind became obsessed with the memory of his father's madness and he could not help thinking that he had been the cause of it. Although his father had constantly mistreated him for years, Steve somehow felt that he was attached to his father's fate and the fact that he didn´t progress in his attempts to make his son the best soldier of all time, had precipitated his decline. There was also the matter of having killed in cold blood and revenge a person who hadn´t done anything to him directly. He thought it would be a good idea and that would make him feel better giving his due to H but, nevertheless, Steve didn´t find him in the scene and whoever paid for the broken pchina was his best friend, Zeter. His soul had not found rest nor the soul of Marielle in that atrocious act.

He found himself suddenly in his old street, in front of his dilapidated house with the windows´glass all broken. He clenched his fists and squeezed them, full of rage before resuming his way to nowhere. He did not realize that he was going unconsciously to Bucky's house until he found himself on his porch. He looked up and looked directly at the house. They all seemed to be sleeping happy and ignorant of their doom.

Then he felt very tired. Maybe I could sleep a little on the steps before returning home. But if he did, he would have to see Marielle and he couldn´t stand that again. Less after having killed a person with premeditation and treachery.

"I´m a monster and in the end I accepted it", he thought with resentment. "My father knew to see that in me and tried to exploit it to the maximum until it consumed him. I have to take care of finishing what he started. But why am I so afraid? What am I supposed to do now? I don´t want to die, also like that bastard, for not having carried out my mission".

He settled on a small couch near the porch of his only friend's house and pulled the candy wrapper out of his pocket.

"Why did I come here? What did I expect to find?"he said to himself holding the paper to his lips kissing it-. I know he isn´t my friend but Bucky...

He dropped into the world of dreams before finishing the sentence and had a horrible nightmare related to felt a hand moving his shoulder and woke with a start. In front of him, a young man in a soldier's uniform and a plate cap with a visor, was watching him without understanding what he was doing there.

"Hey, who are you? What are you doin´here?"

His smile and his vivacious look hadn´t changed at all but now Bucky was taller, stronger and more attractive. Steve recognized him right away and pronounced his name.

"Bucky?"

At first, the soldier was suspicious until he saw the puny look of that vagabond boy and then he remembered.

"Steve? No way! Are you that ghost guy?" he exclaimed with happy surprise. "I didn´t recognized you. Geez, what a surprise. What are you doing here? Come, come into my house! You do not look good."

Steve went to retort and to oppose but Bucky insisted and entered after him into the comfortable home of the military boy. Rogers realized that he was much taller than him. He had an athletic build and his back and shoulders were marked. He must have been the kind of man who raised sighs of admiration and infatuation when passing near groups of girls. He made Steve sit down at the small kitchen table and he waited, silent and embarrassed, for Bucky to prepare some tea with toast. The emaciated boy observed through the window that it was beginning to dawn.

"Tell me, what were you doing on my porch?"

Then, Steve related to him with difficulty what had happened with the fights, Marielle and with his work hiding the part of Zeter´s murder. Bucky listened to him without interrupting and when he finished telling his story, the soldier became serious, approached Steve and hugged him tightly, something that took the boy by surprise. Steve felt the breath of the other close to his ear, his natural fragrance mixed with soap and his chest rising and falling rhythmically with hiss, and he had the strange sensation that his skin crawled at the sight of it all.

"You should have come with me before and told me all this. We are friends after all, right?"Bucky said stirring his hair. "And what about your father by the way?"

"Well, he died. That´s why I was with another family. I do not remember what happened. I got traumatized or something like that" Steve explained with a thin voice.

"Oh, man" Bucky lamented as he finished his hug and walked up to his soldier's backpack to pick up something. "You had to go through two very hard times, it's normal that you ended up on my porch. But dude, next time call and I'll let you in. Promise that you will call."

"I-I promise" replied the other, embarrassed but incredibly comforted. Bucky was very hospitable, helpful and seemed to get on well with everybody. One could feel too comfortable with him. That way it was so easy for Steve to forget that he had killed a man …

"Very well!You can stay here as long as you want."

"Actually I should go back because I did not say I was going out to try to recover myself. They will be worried... "

"Okay, maybe it´s better that way but if you want to rest here anyway and come to my room, we can see the sunrise" Bucky said kindly.

"I really need to leave right now" Steve said overwhelmed by so much helpfulness. "If you excuse me, I´ll go now...

"Wait, Steve suddenly Bucky said holding him by the arm. Steve looked at him. "The last time we saw each other, I never knew anything about you because you left hastily. I want you to know that you can count on me for whatever you need and I am your friend. We have that kind of confidence, you understand?"

"Yes, but I don´t know if I should abuse that trust you are placing in me..."

"To hell with politeness and formality! I didn´t behave properly the last time, let's say. I owe you one and besides I never gave you anything for your birthday. You can tell me everything that worries you. Understood?"

"I guess?" Steve nodded blushing.

"Tell me where you live so I could make you a visit from time to time. We can go out, take some drinks and sing to the chicks when we end up drunkards" Bucky laughed.

Steve, with a shy smile, told him the address and the other one wrote it down right away.

"Well, since I owe you one, you can charge it as you please."

"Actually,you can do something for me." Steve said remembering all his situation suddenly. "I have lost my job like many people in Brooklyn and I have parents who, possibly because of their age, will never find a job anywhere else anymore. I have to keep them. Do you know if there is anything I can do in the army?"

"Yeah, there probably can be something that could fit a glove! What are you good at?"

"Maths in general. I was the company accountant from the docks before. You know, I do not have an athlete's body, actually. My brain is the only thing I can exercise" Steve said pointing to something that seemed obvious to him, but Bucky shook his head.

"Maybe you do not need to have the training of a private soldier, like me. If they want you for your brain, I don´t think they wanna you to lose your brains during very hard workouts in summer" Bucky said reassuring him. Steve could not help but burst out laughing and Bucky seconded. "Good, I see you are laughing at me. I hope to see you always like that, okay? I'll see if I can bring you good news and if you can enter. It would be great, we could work together!"

"Well, I could be great, yeah..."

"Ha? What a tough face! What about that little enthusiasm? Right now I want you to do ten push-ups and show yourself more positive, soldier!" Bucky said caricaturing the voice of a strict lieutenant.

Steve laughed and knew then that his infiltration into the American ranks was going to be a success.


	5. Chapter 5

When he returned home, he found his foster parents in the living room, both with a worried expression on their faces. Immediately the mother went to hug him and to reprimand him for not having warned before father was calmer than her but still could not hide the worry that had gone through him. Steve reassured them and told them that maybe he could find a new job in the army.

However, he had not foreseen the father's reaction. Alec refused his son's proposal:

"But father, I could pay you the food and the house and you would not have to worry about it anymore. Also Marielle..."

"I have already lost a child and I don´t want to lose another one."

A twinge of remorse oppressed his heart. His father still believed he was facing an exemplary boy when the reality is that he had an assassin in front of him without knowing Alec, for he did not even suspect that the one whose life he wanted to keep was the one who actually snatched them away.

Steve was silent and did not reject the father's iron determination not to join the army. So if he wanted to do it, he couldn´t count on family support. He would have to do it behind their back and lie about how he would make a living thereafter. The problem is that he hated to lie to them. They had given him happiness like Marielle and that was his new source of suffering.

Days later he found out from local newspapers that they had found Zeter's crushed corpse. Nervous and afraid that the authorities could find him, he became more sullen and more silent with his immediate surroundings and began to have terrible nightmares in which the young man he had murdered appeared, pursued him, all covered in blood and with a unpleasant grimace on his crushed face.

Nightmares went from being on the dream plane to become day hallucinations and those macabre encounters with the young man's ghost, joined the fearsome shadow figure of Steve's real father, his face white as milk furrowed by wrinkles of anger and rage. He used to talk to him and order him to destroy America. Over and over.

Marielle appeared on rainy days to join the two ghosts, but she gave him a kinder face of the her, sitting beside him, his father's orders and Zeter's constant cries of terror ceased. Steve, then, stopped clutching his knees sitting in a corner of his room waiting for them to leave and leave him alone, and he smiled at Marielle's ghost with tears in his eyes, thanking her for his presence and for getting rid of them, at least for a few hours.

Bucky visited him a month later and that surprised the parents, who thought that his son didn´t have friends beyond the previous co-workers. When his friend arrived at his house, Steve rushed down the stairs when his mother called him and told him that a guy called Bucky had come over. The skinny boy stood before him once he came down and Bucky gave him a bright smile of joy. Without thinking, Steve rushed into his friend's arms to squeeze him tightly and the other responded surprised at such effusiveness that in the eyes of the parents seemed to be unseemly.

"Wow, Steve!" Bucky laughed before the looks of bewilderment and disapproval of Steve's stepfathers. He, seeing what he had just done, quickly undid the hug and cleared his throat trying to pretend that nothing happened. He prepared to make the introductions.

"Father, mother: this is my childhood´s friend, Bucky."

The parents were relieved that he was a normal and charming boy and soon they let their son go with him without any fear. Steve could forget for a moment about his visions and let himself be carried away by his friend's enthusiasm for sharing the same experiences. They went to bars and sang merrily because of the alcohol, went racing on the Hudson's docks and chasing each other around Central Park until they fell on the grass laughing.

"Steve, you should have seen the girl who looked at you at Colin's" Bucky said laughing.

"Really?" Steve's head was spinning and he saw everything blurred. He was not used to drinking. He crawled across the lawn to stand next to his friend to see his face better. "Aren´t you saying it out of pity? I'm sure she was looking at you."

"I´m serious. I´m sure she was. I just winked at her."

"Ha! What a liar! Don´t give me hope to get anything with women" Steve said while Bucky smiled at him stirring his hair.

"I don´t. You´re a pip, even though you don´believe it..."

"Who would want a sack of skin and bones?" Steve asked suddenly glumy.

"Don´t be like that. What you have to do is learn how to dance. Girls like a good man who knows how to move his feet" Bucky said sitting up staggering and grabbing Steve's wrist. "C´mon, I´ll show you.

"What? No way! I have terrible coordination" protested Steve, alarmed.

"Yeah, right. Stop complaining and let me take you by the waist" Bucky said wrapping his arm around Steve's slim waist and pulling the boy close to him.

"This is the worst idea you've ever had" the other complained feeling himself strange trembling at Bucky´s closeness and feeling his drunk breath.

"You will thank me in the future when we are together in the army. What will you do in the end, by the way? Bucky said taking Steve to the rhythm of a soundless swing.

"I just want to go" Steve said changing his gesture for frightened one. What if he told him what had happened? He would judge him as a monster. "But my parents don´t, and I don´t know if I'll be able anyway. Bucky ... I ... I did something horrible ...

"Hey, hey, C´mon. Don´t think about the army now. I´m sorry to have taken the issue" Bucky apologized. "Now it's you, me and your duck attention to every step. Good, now When you have the girl near you, talk to her gently and look her straight in the eyes. And then, when the song is about to end, you lean over it like this and..."

Bucky took Steve by the shoulder and the back and he inclined to the other with awkwardness. For this reason, the candy wrapper that had the scrawny boy in the pocket of his jacket, fell off and Bucky managed to see him fall placidly on the , astonished, he stared at Steve and he corresponded to that look, bewildered.

"What´s wrong, Bucky?"

The brush of Bucky's lips with his was somewhat harsh because both were dry from alcohol. However, Steve felt that with just that gesture, the hair on his body began to bristle and a shock of electricity ran down his back from top to bottom. At first, Bucky felt his mouth, as if he didn´t know exactly what he was looking for. But it didn´t last long. With his free hand, he grabbed his neck and bit his lips with passion, invading Steve´s mouth violently. Steve, with his eyes wide open, didn´t know how to react. That wasn´t possible. It had to be alcohol. All this was the result of a hallucination and he had to wake up from it.

Finally he reacted and brusquely pushed Bucky back. Both breathed with difficulty and looked at each other demanding an explanation they did not have.

"What was that?" Steve said trembling.

"I... I don´t know" Bucky sighed, apologizing."God, I´m sorry Steve. I..."

"I think I should go... I'm the one who must apologize" Steve said. He felt his temples throb strongly. Again, he had to run away from Bucky. His presence with him was too much and now that kiss ... Was it because of alcohol? And if that was the case, why did he feel it wasn´t like that?

He walked away quickly and although Bucky tried to stop him, he couldn´t. He, when his friend left him behind, picked up the candy wrapper, crumpled it, threw it to the ground hard and gave a cry to vent himself.

At Central Park´s exit, Steve started running in terror. The people who stood aside watched him as if he had gone mad. And he saw in each of them the furious face of the father watching him with disappointment, with anger. With murderous craving.

"Look at what you have become. A scrap that kisses American pigs. You disgust me —le gritaba la voz del padre en su cabeza.

"No, father!" he screamed loudly causing panic among passers-by.

"You should die. You are not able to face your mission. You are allying with the enemy. I'm going to spank you until your bones break into pieces..."

"Enough! Enough!" Steve shouted while he collapsed on the sidewalk and began to suffer a violent seizure.

He woke up on an uncomfortable hospital stretcher, startled and covered in sweat. Beside him on a chair stood Bucky and standing beside him was a uniformed and decorated man with a stern and skeptical face.

"W-Where am I?" said the boy breathing hard.

"I'm Colonel Chester Phillips. You are in the army hospital. Sergeant James Buchanan Burnes has brought you here" the man explained quickly and angrily. "In other circumstances we wouldn´t have allowed you access but I´ve been informed of your interest in joining our ranks and you can stay here until you recover. Once you´ve finished it, you will go through a series of tests to check if you are suitable."

"Tests?" Steve repeated disoriented by so much information.

"We´re in 1935, son. You have to pass a series of tests to access. If you don´t overcome them, you won´t be able to enter. Do you understand? Well, I'll leave you here. Take care of him in the mean time, Sergeant Barnes.

"Sir, yes, sir!" Bucky said standing up before the colonel with a martial gesture.

The man left the small room and the two young men alone. Steve could sense Bucky's discomfort at being there with him but he tried to hide it and smiled at the boy.

"Don´t pay much attention to him. Apparently you have been declared fit for a future project in which the intelligence service is working. I cannot tell you anything else, because I don´t know what it is" he explainedfumbling in the pockets of his jacket and handing Steve his candy wrapper. "By the way...You dropped this. I thought it was important to return it to you. And about that kiss..."

A gesture of sadness darkened Bucky's eyes and Steve answered hurriedly:

"What kiss?"Luckily, the skinny kid was discreet, silent and good at lying. Pretending was, perhaps, the only thing he was good at if he could ignore the visions of the dead. Bucky fell silent and stared at him in astonishment.

"Don't you remember what happened, Steve?"Bucky said.

Oh, of course he remembered it, the other thought, holding his eyes with feigned ignorance.

That had been wrong and although he couldn´t get rid of the image of Bucky bending over him to kiss him, he couldn´t tell him what he had tried to deny himself, that he had been in love with Bucky since they met. A scream of despair struggled to escape his lips. However, he managed to repress it.

"I´m sorry, Bucky. I can´t remember anything. Did I kiss a girl? For real?" Steve continued his liar roll interpretationl. He could almost hear his friend's heart breaking into pieces.

Bucky felt his friend's words stab him in the he should not show his pain. He had to pretend that he was perfectly before his frail Steve. He was the strong one, the attractive one. The perfect boy that every mother wants to have and an example of kindness and charisma that every man should follow. He scratched the back of his neck, smiled and answered with a muffled voice that contrasted with his smiling gesture:

"You shread it, pal! You kissed the whackiest doll of the the party. "


End file.
